Sharpened by Setbacks: How to Carry Only What Makes You Better
You’ve trained for weeks—months even years. Every drill, every lift, every play has been about preparing for a game. The whistle blows. You execute your moves with precision. You’re locked in, focused, and giving everything you’ve got. And yet… you lose.
It’s a feeling every athlete knows all too well: the sting of defeat when you’ve poured your heart into the game, when you played your best, and the outcome still slips through your fingers. It’s frustrating, confusing, and, honestly, sometimes unfair.
But here’s the thing—this is exactly where growth happens. Setbacks like this don’t have to weigh you down; they can sharpen you—if you know how to carry only what makes you better.
The Bricks on Your Back
I once heard a story that resonated deeply: every setback is like a brick. When you replay every missed opportunity, every misstep, or every referee call in your head, you place that brick on your back. Each new loss, each new disappointment, adds another brick. Over time, these bricks accumulate until moving forward feels impossible.
In sports, this is deadly. You can’t perform at your best if you’re carrying the weight of every past failure. Every missed shot, every bad pass, every tough loss is a potential brick—but here’s the key: you don’t have to carry all of them.
Losing Despite Your Best EFFORT
I recently had an exchange with an athlete who said, “I’ve had games where everything clicked—made the right decisions, my team played smarter than ever. And still, the scoreboard didn’t reflect our effort. My team lost. And I’m carrying that game like a heavy load. I kept replaying the moments, analyzing what I ‘should have’ done, wishing I could change the outcome.”
For many athletes, this feels like a wall pressing down on them. Until they realized: the game is a combination of skill, strategy, and sometimes even luck—and playing to potential isn’t enough to guarantee a win. The weight you carry shouldn’t be the game itself—it should be the lessons it leaves behind.
There are no Losses, just lessons learned
Instead of stacking mental “bricks” on your back—each one representing regret, frustration, and self-criticism. Realize that if you keep carrying all of these bricks, you would be weighed down for the next challenge, unable to perform freely.
"'A season isn’t defined by one moment—it’s defined by the habits, resilience, and identity we built all year. The goal isn’t to erase the disappointment; it’s to transform it into fuel, clarity, and grit for the next chapter.
Feel it. Learn from it. Let it sharpen you. Then carry only the part that makes you better.
You don’t “get over” a game like that—you process it, integrate it, and move forward with purpose. Start by naming the sting instead of avoiding it; that’s how the nervous system settles. Then shift from regret loops (“we should’ve…”) to learning loops (“what does this teach us about who we are as competitors”
Make a conscious choice: carry only what makes you better.
Reflect the game not to punish, but to extract the lessons.
What went right? What strategies worked under pressure? Where could I improve without beating myself up? Slowly, the mental bricks slide off, leaving only the insights that sharpened your skills.
The weight will lift, you will feel lighter, freer, more focused and looking forward to the next season or in some case the next season of life. You’ll realize that losing—even when you’ve done everything right—doesn’t define you. The lessons, the growth, and the resilience you built from that experience shape you.
How to Release the Bricks
The moment you choose to carry only what makes you better, you gain clarity, focus, and freedom. Here’s how athletes can process setbacks without letting them define their next performance:
Separate Effort from Outcome
You can control your effort, your mindset, and your preparation. You can’t control every bounce, every call, or every opponent’s play. Celebrate the effort, and extract lessons from the outcome—without blaming yourself for what was beyond your control.Analyze Constructively
Watch the game with an objective eye. What plays worked? Where could you improve? What decisions helped or hurt the team? Focus on actionable insights, not self-punishment or blame.Visualize Letting Go
Mentally place the weight of the loss in a box and set it aside. Athletes often use visualization to release frustration or regret. Imagine the bricks lifting off your back so you can move forward lighter and sharper.Focus on the Next Challenge
The best athletes don’t dwell on past games—they prepare for the next one. Channel your disappointment into motivation. Refine your skills, adjust your strategy, and enter the next game ready to perform, not burdened by the last loss.Build Mental Resilience
Routine, mindfulness, and mental skills training are crucial. Resilient athletes recover quickly, avoid overthinking past mistakes, and maintain confidence under pressure. Strengthen your mental game as much as your physical one.Seek Perspective
Talk to coaches, teammates, or mentors. Often, external insights can help you separate valuable lessons from unnecessary weight, keeping you focused on improvement rather than regret..
Losing a game despite playing your best is never easy. But these moments are what separate good athletes from great ones. By carrying only the lessons that make you better, you transform disappointment into fuel, mistakes into mastery, and setbacks into stepping stones.
Every brick you release makes you lighter, sharper, and ready to dominate the next challenge. Remember: the scoreboard doesn’t define you—you do. Carry only what makes you better, and leave the rest behind.
If you want to learn more, consider booking a FREE Discovery Call or download our FREE Athlete’s Guide to learn proven strategies for overcoming losses, boosting mental toughness, and carrying only what makes you better.
